#↤ maybe that’s just to me. maybe i’m projecting. oh well.
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radioactive-earthshine · 3 days ago
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Because I had all my fics locked down when I published this fic, I am making a new promo post.
Within the Rubble and Harvest
Status: Complete Words: 14118 Rating: Gen Main Tags: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Farm Life, Introspection Kon El-centric fic about him finding the name Conner Kent post-Superboy 1994 ending. Fic explores his relationship with Ma and Pa, Clark and John Henry Irons during the aftermath of the Our Worlds at War arc.
Summary
"Now, it’s your turn to start finding out about who you are. It’s time to live, not as Superboy, but as a boy, a person, you. And find as much of him as you can. And you know what? I know you are going to find him, whoever he is. Because you’re one of the bravest damn people I know with the biggest spirit.” Immediately following the destruction of Lee Lee's Apartment Complex in Metropolis Clark brought Kon El to Smallville to do something Kon had never done before; live normally, truly normal. But before he can really do that he needs only one thing. A name. Who knew choosing a name could be so hard.
Excerpt
Being at the Kents’ house alone doesn’t feel right to me, even if they all insist this is my home and I’m not an intruder or a replacement for Clark .  
I’m on edge, and I don’t want to even sneeze wrong, so when I am done with my turkey sandwich I make sure I leave everything exactly where I found it so there’s as little evidence that I existed as possible. Back at Cadmus I didn’t mind leaving my socks in the hallway even though I knew I’d get a lecture about it later. Why? I can’t even piece together why. 
Maybe I really didn’t care. 
No, I cared, I correct myself. I cared plenty but I just didn’t care about the small stuff. Like socks in the hallways or shuffling into the mess hall half-dressed with Waller breathin’ down my butt. 
If Jim or Dubby were here I think they’d tell me that sometimes caring about the small stuff tells everyone that you’re serious about the big stuff. Well Jimbo! You’d be happy! Here’s your no.1 boy, worrying about if he washed a plate correctly and put it in the dishrack inoffensively. Oh! And my room’s spotless! Only thing in there that’s mine is a pack of cheap underwear I picked up from a drugstore for only eight dollars, one set of civvie clothes, and a toothbrush. 
So on God I fucking care about the small stuff. I care about everything. A lot. It’s probably anxiety .
Damn, I’m rambling even in my head. 
I literally cannot shut up even when my mouth is closed. 
It’s literally not even 9AM yet!
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manygeese · 3 days ago
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CHAPTER 11 WHICH IM JUST NOW REALIZING I NEVER PUT OUT A TEASER FOR ‼️‼️‼️
Leo found it depressing that every choice he had made in his entire life brought him here: trying to make small talk with his one and only ex on a wooden swinging bench that got more uncomfortable by the second. Oh, and had he mentioned that it was fucking freezing?
He kept his eyes fixed on his swaying feet, unsure whether the dizziness was from the motion of his perch or his own nausea.
There were a million things he wanted to say to Calypso. Most of them started with “I’m sorry.”
I’m sorry for that one time I yelled at you for going to the arcade without me.
I’m sorry for bothering you with my Rubik’s cube while you were trying to focus.
I’m sorry for ignoring you all of spirit week even though you really wanted to wear matching outfits on twin day.
I’m sorry for being a bad boyfriend.
I’m sorry for being your boyfriend.
All he had to do was utter one of those phrases out loud, get it out of his cluttered head. But instead, he used the birdsong and the whistle of the wind as an excuse. Anything he said would be swept away with it anyways.
“I’m sorry,” someone said. It wasn’t Leo. He was too much of a coward to let those words out.
Leo cleared his captured throat. His voice came out choked as he coughed up the word “what?”
“I said I’m sorry.” Calypso clutched at where the fabric of her dress scrunched around her knees, bunching it up and letting it go again like a substitution for a breath.
He coughed. “You don’t have to.”
She knitted her cinnamon eyebrows together. “Aren’t you supposed to ask me for what?”
He was afraid he’d be disappointed if he did, but he did it anyway. “For what?”
“I suppose I’ll start with the small things. Do you remember when you lost your Rubik’s cube, back in junior year?”
“… yes.”
“I threw it away. I’m sorry.”
Leo let out a low whistle because it was either that or cry like a little baby. “Yikes.”
“I’m sorry for not listening to you whenever you talked about the robotics stuff you really liked. Sometimes, I would just use it as background noise. That was rude of me.”
“I’m sorry, too. For the record.” He tapped nervously on the armrest.
“For what?”
“Basically everything I did in college,” Leo said, making a pathetic attempt at a laugh. “I was such a loser back then.”
She forced a chuckle- Leo could tell, her smile was too square at the corners, like her lips were subconsciously drawn downwards even as they were pulled up- and knocked her shoulder against his. “Weren’t we all?”
“I was especially a loser. I’m sorry I never helped you with your theater projects. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you practice the oboe. I’m sorry I never took you out as much as you would’ve liked. And one time, the day after we had our first big college fight, I got us both coffees with your cash and gave yours to some other kid on campus.”
“You told me you’d spilled it on your way to class,” Calypso murmured.
“Yeah. Have I mentioned I’m sorry?”
She snorted halfheartedly. “I think so.”
Silence settled over them, looming like a piano over a cartoon character’s head.
“I’m starting to think we just shouldn’t have gotten together in the first place,” Calypso admitted. She picked at her already chipped aqua nail polish.
“Well, you’d be right.”
“Just like that?” She laughed, but it came out strangled. “You’re not gonna even try to say otherwise?”
Leo met her eyes, only because he felt she deserved it. “I can’t lie to you, Cal, we were horrible for each other. To each other.”
“Why?”
The piano came crashing down. If it had actually been a cartoon, Leo reasoned, his head would be popping out of the lid and he’d have piano keys instead of teeth. Maybe Calypso would have taken the opportunity to scurry away, leaving a silhouette of herself in whichever brick wall she decided to escape through, but he had no such luck.
Calypso’s eyes never left his, acting like jackhammers boring into his skull. Her question was repeated in their roundness: why?
“Cal…” he started, just to keep up the illusion that he was actually going to answer her, “it wasn’t your fault.”
“Just tell me. Why would we never have worked?”
He took a deep breath and suppressed the urge to hop over the porch railing and abscond into the corn fields, never to be seen again. “I’m gay.”
Calypso’s eyes widened impossibly further. Her mouth stayed mercifully shut for a moment before it uttered the words “so many things make sense now.”
Leo couldn’t help but snort at her response. “Oh yeah? Like what?”
“You always acted weird when we had gym with Percy, for starters.”
“Oh my (god,)” Leo groaned as he buried his face in his hands, “I was so obvious, wasn’t I?”
Calypso chuckled. “Yeah, you were. And there was also Frank. Was that fake flirting… was it actually…?”
“I can’t tell you what teenage me was thinking, but I can tell you it wasn’t entirely straight.”
She hummed, voice lilting with humor and melancholy. Her eyes moved off to the horizon, though Leo’s stayed fixed to her face, reading it (or at least trying to) like a manual.
Step One: get together with a girl of literally anybody’s dreams in 7th grade.
Step Two: spend the rest of your middle school, high school, and college years with each other.
Step Three: fight. A lot. Which leads to a messy breakup, and it’s like, this whole entire thing.
Step Four: don’t speak to each other for three years.
Step Five: tell her you’re gay and make her realize that she wasted a decade on you.
“I know I’ve said it a lot, but I’m sorry, Cal,” Leo whispered. “You deserved somebody who loved you romantically. You still do. And I couldn’t give you that, but I got us into this mess anyway, and here we are ten years later with one toxic relationship under our belts and not much else.”
“I’m honestly not sure I even wanted a relationship,” Calypso said. “I think that… my father may have pressured me into it when I didn’t want it or need it.”
Leo nodded.
“I don’t want one now, either. What does that say about me? Am I… am I going to be alone forever?” She turned towards him. The sunlight caught her eyes, making them glint like glossy pearls with tears not yet shed.
“Cal, no,” Leo said gently, somewhere between a whimper and a sigh. He shook his head and placed a cautious hand on her shoulder. “No. You’re not gonna be alone. You, you’re a wonderful person. You’re so passionate and you always know what you want and you’re really smart. There are people out there that are gonna love that, whether it be romantic or not. There are people out there that will love you however you want them to.
“I… I couldn’t do that for you. We couldn’t give each other what we wanted from that type of relationship, if we wanted one at all. And that’s okay. We’re not kids anymore, nobody can pressure you into anything.
“And, if it makes you feel any better,” he offered, “I still want to be friends.”
Had those words really just left his mouth? And had he meant it?
Calypso gave him a watery smile. “Do you mean that?”
Leo found himself returning it. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”
She tackled him in a hug, nearly knocking them both off the porch with the force of it. They laughed and the sound was familiar. It came from sunny summer days spent playing video games, and chilly walks from class to class when fall came around, and sharing an umbrella when the frigid winter rain hit, and goofing around at the spring dance. It was a bit of his childhood coming back to him.
She practically performed the heimlich on him, the way she was squeezing him like a stress toy. He threw his arms around her neck and patted her awkwardly as he tried not to turn too red (between all the laughing and back breaking hugs, it was sure to be a failure). “God, I missed you, Cal.”
“I missed you, too.”
~*~
They sat there for hours, talking about interests both shared and not so shared. She would talk about her travels in Greece, he would chat about his students, she would explain what she learned about music, he would describe all the projects he’d made. Eventually, the subject turned from work to social life, from social life to friends, and from friends to love. Leo wasn’t quite sure how he felt discussing his (mostly nonexistent) love life with his ex, but with an old friend? Yeah. Yeah, he could do that.
“There was this one girl in Greece, Echo. I wanted to be her friend for the longest time, I’m not even kidding you. I found out the bar she usually went to on Friday nights, and yeah I know that sounds creepy but I just had my friend Zoë tell me. So it wasn’t that weird. Anyways, I got up to talk to her, right? And turns out, she’s mute, and I didn’t know sign language yet, so we ended up having a written conversation on her receipt. And at the end, she gave it to me, and it had her number on the back!” Calypso giggled, and he couldn’t help but giggle with her. What else could he do? That was one hell of a meet cute.
“Are you two still friends?” He asked.
“Oh, yeah. It’s kind of easier, we communicated mostly by text anyways because she doesn’t like using paper a whole lot. She’s toying with the idea of spending summer here, actually.”
Leo hummed acknowledgingly.
“What about you? Any pretty ladi- uh, handsome guys around here?”
He snorted, but that didn’t keep him from blushing hard. “Nice save,” he deflected.
Calypso got a smug look on her face. “Oh, yeah. There’s a handsome guy alright. You look like a tomato.”
“Fine. There’s a handsome guy.”
Calypso squealed and kicked her feet. “Tell me everything.”
“You want to know all of it? There hasn’t even been that much.”
“I mean, you listened to me about Echo, so consider it payback. Now tell me.”
“Ugh, fine,” he sighed. “Um, Frank and Hazel moved away a few months back, so Piper had to find a new farmhand to replace the guy. Um. And his name is Jason. He’s a big buff blonde dude.”
“Is that your type?”
“I don’t know! Maybe? I think my type is just man.”
“No way. You had a crush on Percy, captain of the swim team and known athlete, and probably Frank, too, and he’s literally the strongest person I’ve ever met. And now Jason? Who, when you describe him, the first words that come to mind are ‘big’ and ‘buff’? You have a type, and it’s men who could throw you like a football.”
“Oh my god! Shut up! Never psychoanalyze me again!”
“That wasn’t psychoanalysis, my good man, but simple observation.”
“You’re such a nerd.”
“And you aren’t?”
Leo decided not to dignify that comment with a response, half out of offense and half out of seeing Jason appear from over the crest of the hill. “Oh my god, oh my god, shut up, he’s coming. If you say one word about this to him I will kill you.”
“My lips are sealed.”
Leo squirmed in his seat, trying to fix his posture and look natural at the same time. “Does my hair look good?”
Calypso snorted, which caused her to wheeze, which caused her to cackle. “No, no, I’m not laughing at you, you’re just…” she trailed off when Jason came into earshot. “You haven’t changed a bit.”
“I sure hope I have, actually,” he retorted. Jason was coming up the path. Should he stop him and have a chat? Could he trust Calypso not to embarrass him? “I was pretty fucking annoying back then.”
“I didn’t mean it that way. You’ve changed, of course, but you’re still the same guy, just more you, if that makes sense.” Calypso left him with that, opting to turn around and face the porch stairs with a polite smile prepared. Before he could protest, she waved Jason over and offered him a hand. “Hi, you must be Jason! I’m Calypso, Leo’s friend.”
“I believe he’s mentioned you before,” Jason said, tone even, hand shaking hers calmly. He met Leo’s eyes and held the contact with a soft expression and gently sloped brows- concern. It was probably something else, though, but a boy could dream.
Calypso continued, her eyes screwed shut with the intensity of her smile. “It’s been so nice seeing him again after all these years. He’s so funny, don’t you agree?”
Jason smiled. “Certainly.” His eyes drifted back to Leo and the smile turned slightly mischievous. Wait, was that a wink? Did he just wink at Leo?
Leo was going to be sick.
“Oh, and so smart, right? I mean, back in college, he could attend three math classes the entire year and still pass with an A,” Calypso flattered.
“No, nope, that’s not true, she’s exaggerating,” Leo interjected. “And besides, I had a shit grade in language arts so it didn’t matter anyway.”
“He’s just trying to stay humble. He was the star of the robotics club at our high school-”
“Cal, please-”
“And the computer science teachers adored him-”
“Oh my god-”
“He had the math grades worthy of valedictorian-”
“Cal-”
“You should have seen him in shop class-”
“Cal!”
“As much as I’d like to continue, it seems someone-” she shot a pointed yet fond look over to him, but he didn’t notice, as he was covering his face in his hands in an effort to conceal the redness- “doesn’t appreciate it. Long story short, I was lucky to have met him. I’m sure you feel the same.”
“I do.” Jason breathed. Okay, so maybe Leo was hallucinating, but that was definitely a blush on Jason’s cheeks, right?
“Well, I’ll let you go now. I’ve held you up long enough, haven’t I? It was nice to meet you.”
“Likewise,” Jason chirped, heading into the farmhouse and, god, he actually winked.
He froze for a second after Jason shut the door, and he’d like to say he recovered himself quickly, but he didn’t. “What the fuck was that,” he managed.
“That, my good man, is called wingmanning.”
“No the fuck it is not.”
“Well, sure, if you wanna get into the nitty gritty, it’s wingwomaning, but same difference. Now, I’m going to have to head out soon if I want to get to family dinner on time, but can I give you some advice?”
“…fine.”
She grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him fully towards her. “You need to ask him out. He’s smitten with you. He will say yes.”
“…how do you know that?”
“How can you watch so many romcoms and not realize the signs that someone’s in love? Did you seriously not see him look at you? Or hear him, for that matter? Listen, Leo, I want you to be happy. Just ask him out, okay? For me.”
“…fine.”
Calypso smiled brilliantly and waved goodbye and headed for the gate. She looked happier now. Her grin was less restrained, and so was her hair. It was in a low ponytail instead of that tight braid she always used to have. She looked more like Calypso.
“Cal?” He called, moving to lean on the porch railing.
“Yeah?” She shouted back.
“Come back for dinner sometime, will you?”
Her smile got a few watts brighter. It made his own smile widen. “Of course.”
Now that he had reconciled with Calypso, there was only one problem left to solve:
Ask Jason out. Huh, it sounded easier when put into words. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.
@katiefromcabin7 @iwannascreameurekaa @froglyberrys @justlikearat @existential-life-crisis @jasonisntboring @poppitron360 @erosjournal @ihatenotreading @reggie-the-dyke
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morsmortish · 4 months ago
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hi beth 🔥 you mentioned dorcas and emma yesterday... i NEED to know more. the wlw world is still a unknown subject for me, so drop some lesbians 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈
hello irene my love!!!! i love love love dorcas and emma individually, and i have SUCH a vision for them together. to me, they’re those two best friends who are almost toxicly dependent. they’re in the same year, same slytherin dorm, and quite a bit older than barty and reg and even maybe the marauders. to me, they are THE homoerotic wlw friendship for the ages.
i have said it before, but i see them having a rlly intense friendship. it’s also not super healthy- they’re both extremely competitive and equally proud and stubborn, and so there’s many instances of forced fake smiles, high levels of passive aggression, and even that over-the-top sickly sweetness. both of them find it hard to form many other connections, and so they find themselves both trapped in this extremely toxic friendship where they’re turning every single thing into a silent competition: emma is cruelly condescending when she is chosen as quidditch captain over dorcas; whilst dorcas not-so-subtly rubs it in when she gets more OWLs; they both simper at each other and shoot barbed but veiled insults every minute of every day. and yet, they also care more about the other than anything else. emma would kill anyone for slagging off dorcas, and dorcas would kill HERSELF before letting anyone try to get between them. they’re simultaneously each other’s worst enemy and each other’s best friend.
everyone else is a bit scared of them, and they really truly have no one else: this is both by choice and by everyone else being extremely intimidated by them. plus, their ‘friendship’ has always been laced with something else, something more, and in the absence of external company, it ramps up in intensity until they are making out to relieve the tensions between them. or they are competing for the best potions grade, with the winner getting a very specific ‘reward’. or they are finding ways to let out all the pent-up frustration they bear towards each other. they would never ever go as far as to describe themselves as dating, or in any sort of romantic relationship, and yet they have never quite been ‘just friends’. the ultimate situationship.
they’re like two ends of a tug-of-war rope, their ‘friendship’ frozen in the middle. dorcas is hot-headed and angry, whilst emma is calculated and coldly cruel. fire and ice. they’re both outcasts from pureblood society: dorcas as a muggle-born, and emma as a part of a disgraced lineage. they’re both poc women trying to stay afloat in the1970s. they also both always want to be the best at everything. they’re both ambitious and proud and selfish. in a way, they balance each other out, but also bring out the worst in each other. yet they both find solace in being able to be this ‘worst version’ of themselves- the pretence of fake smiles and forced kindness holds no value, and they both know the truth behind it all. it’s not the same as pretending to be a good person, as they are both entirely aware that neither of them are. they are just as bad for each other as they are good. they give each other the freedom to be terrible, and in a twisted way make each other better.
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springsketches · 1 month ago
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He’s very tired, TLQ has more decisions to make… Oh hey, the pristine cut comes out tomorrow! Have a last minute picture I did! This was surprisingly difficult ha ha ha, I don’t know how many times I’m gonna draw the shifting mound again... Congratulations Abby and Tony for their time and efforts! I look forward to playin it tomorrow!
It’s exciting!! I’ve been waiting a while for this one! I hope people have been as excited as I’ve been! Maybe sometime I’ll create a more detailed/flushed out drawing, but for now I’m happy with this drawing given the short amount of time I gave myself.
Being loosely a part of this fandom has definitely helped me in my art journey and inspired me to become a better creator.
Also, if I may be a little self-indulgent, I’m gonna show my oc clapping for them! She’s excited too
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bleue-flora · 2 months ago
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That's an interesting opinion! There could be more than one reasons for creating the prison and your idea sounds like a pretty justifiable one. And though reasons for building the prison have been given by cc's I don't think your reason is too far removed from theirs to disregard it completely?
[context]
Thanks, I appreciate you saying that. I fear I was pissing people off a bit, and that was not my intention. I wasn’t meaning to disagree only add too, go a bit further if you will... Some times I wonder, am I the only one who does things with 4 agendas, not to mention a subconscious one I’m not even aware of? Like I don’t know, to say I do anything for only one reason just isn’t true at all but maybe I’m the only who does that? Cuz like for example, I went to college to get a degree. A degree so I can get a well paying job that will also be able to make enough money to pay off the loans it costs to get. I also want to be able to make enough money to support myself and a family, buy a house and travel one day. I also felt like I needed a nice cushiony job so I can have vacation and time off and days I can take off when my mental health is bad. I also wanted to get a degree that isn’t a waste of my time or intellect. I wanted to make a difference and a lasting impact on the world and that’s why I chose civil engineering. I am also good at math, love knowing the why and problem solving that goes along with engineering mentality and my dad is a civil engineer so I figured it fit. But I also wanted to get a degree to make people proud, and because I worked hard in high school so I might as well make it worth it… so I can say I got an engineering degree to make money. But that doesn’t quite cover it, does it? There are so many other layers into it, so to say oh Quackity just tortured Dream to get the book or Dream just made the prison in fear of an unkillable evil seems way over simplified. Not to say those aren't main reasons, but just as we know Quackity had other connecting reasons and agendas in torturing Dream, it doesn’t seem to me to be that far fetched to say Dream has multiple reasons for the prison too… but hey what do I know, I’m just sharing my random thoughts. :)
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oysters-aint-for-me · 1 year ago
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i feel like my mental/behavioral health has gotten to the point where i don’t just need therapy, i need treatment. ykwim
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wavesoutbeingtossed · 6 months ago
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#warning: rant about parent ahead#I’m so so so so so empathetic to mental health struggles#like exceedingly so#but it’s just so exhausting being on the receiving end of someone’s self-loathing#and to be clear I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE HERE#you are all my phone besties and I have so much empathy for your struggles and know that i love you all#and wish i could say the right thing to support you all always and you are always welcome to share whatever is going on#and to quote the bard herself i wish i could take the bombs in your head and disarm them#but when my mother gets into these moods she just seems to use it as a way to get a rise out of us#she’s pulling the ‘well maybe you don’t want to do x with me because it’s not fun because I’m a terrible person and you’re scared of me#and i ruin everything so maybe you would just rather i do everything alone’#and i don’t doubt she feels horrible and i know she has intrusive thoughts etc#but that is so manipulative!!!! she then puts the onus on us to reassure her that she is not!!!! But that is not what she wants!!!!#which we then do profusely and remind her that we do love her and we do do things together and whatever the fuck is the problem of the day#but of course she won’t hear it#so yes it makes us scared of her because we are always worried we’re going to say the wrong thing in a given moment!!!!#i just shut the fuck up at all times now#but my dad tries to use reason with her and of course it just ends in her lashing out and projecting all this shit on him#’oh you maybe you actually hate me maybe you want to leave me’ etc#THEY’VE BEEN MARRIED DECADES HE’S THE MOST LOYAL AND KINDEST PERSON IN THE WORLD HE NEVER ONCE HAS#i honestly don’t know how he lets this roll off his back because i am so fed up with it#It’s just so so so so hard because one minute she’s ‘herself’ and the other she’s this inferno#and we just have to ride whatever wave she’s on and it sucks all the air out of the room#it’s like the one and only time i tried to very gently bring up that something she said was hurtful *after she’d brought it up herself*#she went on a ‘oh I’m a terrible person/terrible parent’ rant and it then turned into me reassuring her that she isn’t#i was just trying to show her how the language/behaviour she uses was hurtful to me#so anyway that was lesson learned that even if she invites it i will never speak of it and luckily she hasn’t since and that was years ago#But it’s just… i know bad thoughts can’t be helped and again i feel so much pain on her behalf for what she struggles with#and i wish i could help but there’s absolutely nothing i can do#AND SHE’S GONE OFF ALL HER MEDS SO THE ONE SOURCE SHE DID HAVE ISN’T THERE ANYMORE EITHER
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cetoddle-archive · 1 year ago
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therapy was interesting she kinda just out of nowhere asks if i like writing and i was hesitantly like….yes……and she got all excited she was like you should really pursue that. i think that’d be great for you. and i was like thank you but why are you saying this. i don’t remember exactly what she said cause i think i blacked out a little but basically said im very well spoken and deliberate with my word choice and she said she’d have been very surprised if i said i don’t write at all
#im trying to remember what exactly she was saying but my brain kind of short circuited#i was like oooo im being praised i think this is great -w- and barely processed what she was saying#i told her a little bit about all the work i’ve already done on some of my projects and she seemed genuinely impressed ..#but maybe she was just being nice..but then she yells at me when i say things like that#so i guess i’m going to choose to believe she was being genuine because she’d yell at me for thinking otherwise#she’s really encouraging me to continue writing and i’m stressed ;-;#she asked why i don’t consider pursuing it more seriously someday and i was like well#i just don’t think it’s realistic#she asked why and i kinda just.#well laurie i don’t actually know i just feel it in my bones i suppose#she went >:(#i told her a little bit about the kind of stuff i like to write and she got all sad cause i enjoy writing horror stuff#she’s like aw :( i’ll never be able to read any of your stuff i get scared so easily :(#that made me actually laugh for real#maybe this comes as a surprise to some of u i talk abt it sometimes but i do actually write short stories a lot#i just have literally never shared them with another living soul cause i’m fairly certain they’re SHIT. but i do it#i stay silly !!!!#sigh…#id like to have told her more about my bigger projects but whenever ppl do try and ask abt it#i just freeze up like oh it’s silly..it’s just something i do as a hobby irs nothing serious don’t mind me…#😖#i like writing but i don’t like talking about my writing#anywaysss#snow.txt
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theflannelwizard · 2 years ago
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My dad has this theory about “project-based friends” that I’ve been thinking about lately. A project-based friend is someone you meet through fandom/hobbies, and they’re usually really easy to get super close to while you’re both invested in the project, be it an actual project or the same fandom/fixation or whatever else.
But as soon as one or both of you moves on from the project, you fall out of touch. Because the project-based friend doesn’t really care about you as a person as much as they care about what you bring to the project. Or even if they do care about you, they just don’t know how to keep a friendship up when you don’t have a project together.
This isn’t necessarily a selfish thing, it’s just… the friendship isn’t personal. A project-based friend will have fun with you while it lasts and then either move on entirely or stay kinda half in your life, never really reaching out or holding real conversations. And I think a big part of my problem is that I’ve been expecting project-based friends to stick around for me when really we just liked the same work of fiction for a while. I keep thinking I’ve made a new best friend and then they get into some media I don’t like and the whole friendship kinda disappears.
#this is hard to accept because it’s some of the people I consider my best friends. but my dad is probably right.#they’ve gotten a new project and that doesn’t mean they hate me it just means I’m like. not on their radar how I once was.#do I cry about it every weekend? of course.#but I am trying to learn to not take it personally#cause I don’t think it’s about me. I think it’s about them having new interests and me not being able to join in with that#I’ve TRIED to join in but it just doesn’t work. I just don’t like the current project.#and maybe when the project is something I do like we can talk again#that’s another thing about project based friends is it seems like I am always the one making an effort to get into their new thing.#almost never them trying for me. and if they do try it is very short lived. oh well#Calvin talks#vent#I guess#personal#I dunno. it’s been over half a year. I’m getting tired.#also WHY is it that 9 times out of 10 my project based friends will get me into the damn thing and then move on before I do#dude I did this for you!!! I got into this shit so we would have something to talk about!!! and now you are ignoring me!!!!#sorry. I’m having a rough evening#I kinda don’t know if I should post this actually#I don’t like to get personal on tumblr#and this isn’t intended to vague anyone it’s just some ruminations on the nature of almost every friendship I’ve ever had.#even tho it DOES feel especially bad lately#like I care more than ever and people are either stringing me along or ignoring me entirely#but like. again. I just tend to get too invested in relationships that don’t matter to the other person#or that do matter to them but not as much#delete later
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number-1-crush · 2 years ago
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i want date girl
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preserve-or-raze · 2 years ago
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my tags got out of hand
i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
#oh my god i’m not the only person in the whole world who has Struggles and Difficulties#i am in pharmacy school which means i have no money no time etc and so every single thing that would bring an iota of joy or escape#must be cut for time because you haven’t studied for your exam next month so no you cannot start watching that the show.#and because you missed the deadline two weeks ago for that group project that the others did for you there will be no sitting at the piano#also you made a c and not a b on the exam yesterday so maybe instead of ordering takeout like you said you were going to#(because you know that you don’t buy real food on the rare occasion you go to the grocery store)#instead you’re gonna have to pick through your bare cabinets and empty fridge freezer for something. or just not eat#like you sometimes do#this is not a problem bc you’ve saved your money which you can’t afford to waste#that’s what they told you when you started: tell your friends you can’t see them much because a doctoral program is a time commitment#they said: you need to quit your side hustles and get an internship#they said: you need to ask for cleaning supplies for your birthday—and clothes and shoes bc tuition is very expensive#this isn’t some deficiency on your part. everyone else lives in isolation with no hobbies or entertainment too.#the only difference is that THEY spend all that time studying and reviewing and working and preparing—#while YOU are laying in bed all day because the thought of writing that paragraph is nauseating and tomorrows exam is slowly enveloping you#and you can tell because you had to retake those 2 classes and you have to retake another one this summer.#never mind that you still don’t know anything. just keep playing the part. stay afloat until this week’s exam is over#then you can worry about next week’s exams#(you WILL worry about next week’s exams)#learning the ukulele isn’t going to ease your stress it’s just gonna make you feel guilty#what do you mean you already feel guilty because you’ve pulled the ukelele out exactly twice since mom gave it to you for christmas?#that webseries updates 4 times a week. can you honestly tell me that you have 4 hours a week where you don’t feel shame#about not exceeding expectations anymore?#i thought not. close your compute— you didn’t even take it out of your bag.#do you ever take it out of your bag at home?#you don’t.#well i can see why you’re such a fucking failure#it’s 3:27 am but ​i won’t bother telling you to shower or brush your teeth- i know you don’t do that.#you went to bed three and a half hours ago now it’s time to sleep#maybe we’ll see what tomorrow has for us
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capyclub · 10 months ago
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sometimes it’s more stressful for things to be on the verge of working out than it is for them to not be working out at all
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a-passing-storm · 1 year ago
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I am trying so hard to use my Teacher’s Pet status to convince my substitute for sociology that “racism comes from evil” isn’t a very productive or sociological way of looking at racism, and it is killing me!
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pucksandpower · 10 months ago
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The Girlfriend Test
Lando Norris x girlfriend!Reader
Summary: no new LN merch is deemed ready for sale unless it passes the girlfriend test (or in which you are Lando’s favorite hoodie thief and the sight of another driver’s brand on you drives him just a little bit crazy)
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You hear the front door open and close, followed by the sounds of Lando rummaging around in the entryway. “Babe, I’m home!” He calls out.
You’re curled up on the couch in his latest hoodie design, a soft charcoal grey number with black sleeves and his LN logo embroidered over the heart.
“In here!” You reply. Lando comes into the living room and smiles when he sees you wearing his new creation.
“Well hello there, hoodie thief,” he says, leaning down to give you a quick peck on the lips before flopping down on the couch next to you. “So I see you found my newest sample.”
You grin and snuggle further into the super soft fleece. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. This is my hoodie now.”
Lando laughs and tugs lightly on the hood. “Oh is it now? I could’ve sworn this was a prototype I brought home from my design meeting a few days ago.”
“Nope, definitely mine,” you say cheekily. “It’s so cozy I don’t think I can ever take it off.”
“In that case, I guess it passes the girlfriend test with flying colors,” Lando declares. At your confused look, he elaborates. “Oh, I never told you about the girlfriend test? I can’t launch a new LN design until you have stolen it out of my closet. That’s how I know for sure it’s comfy enough for my fans.”
You raise an eyebrow in amusement. “You’re telling me every hoodie so far has passed this supposed test?”
“You got it,” Lando grins. “I’ll leave the samples laying around and if you end up snagging one and wearing it all the time, I know it’s prime merchandise.”
You think back and realize it’s true — Lando’s hoodies have a habit of migrating into your wardrobe. The papaya one is your go-to for grocery store runs. The tie-dye version is your favorite for lazy Sundays. Even the bold purple hoodie he released last month has already earned a permanent place on your desk chair.
“So you mean to tell me this was all part of your master plan?” You ask in mock offense. “And here I thought I was sneakily stealing your comfiest clothes.”
“Baby, if I really didn’t want you wearing my stuff, I wouldn’t make it so tempting to take,” Lando says sincerely, wrapping an arm around you. “But it makes me so happy to see you in my designs, wearing my brand.”
You cuddle into his shoulder. “That’s really sweet, babe.”
“Anything for my number one fan and favorite hoodie model,” he says, planting a kiss on the top of your head.
You snuggle together in contented silence for a few minutes, your head tucked perfectly under his chin.
“So, how was the simulator today?” You ask. “Get some good practice in for Monza this weekend?”
Lando nods. “Yeah, had a really solid session. Tweaked a few things with the setup that I think will help with the low downforce.”
“Nice,” you say. “Maybe another podium this week?”
“We’ll see,” Lando replies. “Ferrari looked quick in Spa so it could be tough. But I feel good going into the weekend.”
“Well, I know you’ll kill it babe,” you say supportively. Lando smiles gratefully and pulls you closer.
“But anyway, enough about F1. How was your day off?” He asks.
You launch into a recap of your relaxed day — sleeping in, catching up on chores, and working on some creative projects you’ve had on the backburner. Lando listens intently, asking questions and commenting on the new songs and recipes you’re dying to try. The conversation flows easily, as it always does between you two.
Before you know it, Lando’s stomach rumbles loudly and you both crack up. “I guess that means it’s dinnertime,” you say, checking your phone. “Pizza sound good?”
“You read my mind,” Lando replies. While you call in the usual order from your favorite local pizza joint, Lando queues up Netflix and scrolls through options for tonight’s viewing.
Thirty minutes later you’re back on the couch, the coffee table littered with pizza boxes and cans of soda. Lando hits play on an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and you settle in, toes tucked under his legs to stay cozy.
You’re only halfway through the episode when you feel Lando’s gaze on you. You turn and find him staring at you wearing his newest hoodie creation, a small smile on his lips.
“What’s that look for?” You ask around a mouthful of pizza.
Lando shakes his head, the smile growing wider. “Nothing really. Just thinking about how lucky I am.”
You tilt your head curiously and he continues. “I have my dream job, getting to race cars for a living. And then I come home to you and … I don’t know. It just feels really good. Like everything is kind of falling into place.”
You set down your pizza slice and cuddle up to him. “Aww babe. That’s so sweet.” You give him a greasy kiss on the cheek. “I’m the lucky one you know. I get to see you living your dream every day. And then I get to be here to celebrate the wins with you and cheer you up after the tough days. It’s pretty amazing.”
Lando wraps both arms around you in a hug. “Love you so much,” he says softly.
“Love you more,” you whisper back, your head tucked perfectly under his chin once again.
***
The next evening, you’re sprawled across the bed browsing on your phone when you hear Lando come home.
“Honey, I’m home!” He calls out in a sing-song voice. You grin, expecting him to come give you a kiss. But instead you hear his footsteps stop abruptly.
“Babe, what … is that?” Lando asks slowly.
You look up confused. “What do you mea-”
Then you spot what he’s staring at in horror: the soft teal hoodie you’re wearing with an embroidered Enchanté logo across the front.
“Oh this?” You say casually. “It’s from Daniel’s new merch drop. The fleece is so soft, I couldn’t resist snagging one.”
Lando’s jaw drops open. “You … you bought a hoodie? From a competing merch brand?”
You stifle a laugh at how seriously Lando is taking this. “Well yeah, you gotta support your friends right? And I told you how comfy it looked in his posts.”
Lando just blinks slowly, looking utterly betrayed. You almost feel bad for riling him up.
“Babe, come on, don’t look at me like that! You know I’m your number one fan.” You get up and go to hug him, but Lando dodges you.
“Nope. No hugs until that … that enemy hoodie comes off,” he says dramatically.
Now you really have to hold back your laughter. “Lando, don’t be silly.”
But he crosses his arms and sticks his chin up. “I’m dead serious, Y/N. My own girlfriend, wearing another man’s merch!” He shakes his head in despair.
You bite your lip, trying not to smile at his antics. Time to have some more fun with this.
“Well if you’re going to be like that, maybe I’ll just keep it on,” you say nonchalantly, snuggling back into the ridiculously soft fleece.
Lando’s eyes go wide. “You wouldn’t dare!”
You raise your eyebrows challengingly. “Try me.”
You stare each other down for a few tense moments, before Lando huffs loudly.
“Fine then. Desperate times call for desperate measures.” And with that ominous statement, he lunges forward and lifts you up, tossing you over his shoulder.
“Lando!” You shriek through laughter. “Put me down!”
But he marches down the hall determinedly, you still slung over his shoulder. He brings you into the living room and gently tosses you onto the couch. Before you can react, he rips the Enchanté hoodie up over your head in one swift move.
“Lando!” You squeal, trying to reach for the hoodie, but he’s quicker. In a flash, he has the offending article of clothing in his grip.
“How could you bring this … this enemy propaganda into our home?” Lando accuses dramatically. He holds the hoodie between two fingers like it’s contaminated.
You have to press a hand over your mouth to contain your giggles. Lando looks utterly scandalized at the sight of you in his rival’s merch.
“I’m sorry babe, but you left me no choice,” Lando says solemnly. And with that, he crosses the room, opens the fireplace, and tosses the hoodie in.
You gasp loudly. “Lando Norris, did you just burn my hoodie?”
“I had to protect the sanctity of this home! Can’t have you falling for another man’s branding,” Lando exclaims. But you can see his facade cracking as he fights back a smile of his own.
You get up from the couch and poke him in the chest. “You’re absolutely ridiculous, you know that?”
Lando grins sheepishly. “Maybe. But you love me.”
You roll your eyes but can’t fight back your own smile. “Debatable at the moment,” you joke.
Lando pouts and gives you his best puppy dog eyes. “Come onnnn, you know I’m your favorite driver.”
You pretend to think about it for a moment. “Hmm well Daniel does give the best hugs ...”
“Hey!” Lando exclaims and tackles you into a bear hug. You dissolve into giggles as he squeezes you tight and sways you back and forth.
“Nope, absolutely not allowed,” he declares, still holding you captive.
You lean back to look up at him with a smile. “Oh yeah? And why’s that?”
“Because you’re my girl and I don’t share,” Lando states matter-of-factly. His eyes are soft now as he gazes down at you.
You feel your heart melt a little. You stand on your tiptoes to give him a sweet kiss. “You’re right, I’m all yours Lando.”
His answering smile is dazzling. But then a thought seems to occur to him and a grin spreads across his face.
In one smooth motion, he strips off the neon green hoodie he’s wearing, leaving just a black t-shirt underneath. Before you can react, he pulls it down over your head, enveloping you in soft fleece that smells like him.
“There. That’s better,” Lando declares satisfied.
You snuggle happily into Lando’s worn hoodie, his warmth still lingering in the fabric. Looking down, you recognize it as the exclusive design he wore constantly last season.
Lando’s eyes crease with happiness as he looks at you swimming in his hoodie. “That’s my girl,” he says softly, pulling you close again.
You nuzzle into his chest, perfectly content.
“Am I forgiven for my momentary lapse in loyalty?” You ask cheekily, peering up at him.
Lando pretends to consider this for a moment. “Hmmm, I guess I can let it slide this one time,” he teases back. “But only because you look so damn cute in my clothes.”
You smile and tighten your arms around him. You sway together slowly, Lando humming tunelessly under his breath. The fireplace crackles gently beside you.
After a few moments, Lando speaks again, his voice quiet. “You know I was only joking around before, right? You can wear whatever you want babe.”
You lean back to meet his gaze. His brown eyes are warm but serious now.
You touch his cheek softly. “Of course I know that Lando. Your hoodies might be the comfiest, but they’re not the only clothes I own.”
Lando nods, looking relieved that you understand. “I just never want you to feel like you have to choose between me and your own style or interests.” His voice is earnest. “I want you to always feel free to be yourself.”
Your heart swells at his words. You reach up and kiss him tenderly. When you pull back, Lando is smiling again.
“Thanks babe,” you say. “That really means a lot to me. And same to you, obviously.”
Lando grins. “Of course, it’s you and me against the world! Oh, and McLaren against the other teams,” he adds cheekily.
You laugh and snuggle back into his chest. “Yes, McLaren over all,” you agree, just to make him happy.
“That’s my girl,” Lando says again, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.
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boggsart · 8 months ago
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I’ve decided to post all of the progress here as well, not just on instagram. Some people have asked to be tagged once I post some progress, but I can’t remember who they were. So if you wanna see future progress, let me know and I’ll tag you!
This one may not look too different from the previous one, but nothing really turned out the way I intended to.
The colors, the textures, the focus, the sounds, the camera, everything just seems so off, and oh boy the animation… this is the result of rushing and not knowing what I’m doing, just inserting keyframes, tweaking the graph editor and hoping for the best. So maybe signing up for this project wasn’t a great idea after all lol. Plus the datapad’s not even fully textured, you can literally see where I started adding details on the front, then for some reason I just left off lol
One thing I’ll definitely work on in the future is the menu itself, because if this project is for a graphic design thesis, then I might as well try to make the only thing that has something to do with it look more presentable. I’ll definitely be changing up the fonts, and I have some other ideas for the background as well.
But for now, I’ll move on to the remaining 5 character menu animations. Originally there were gonna be 5, not 7. At first I was randomly picking out the characters I wanted to make one for, then I realized, it’d probably be best, if each squad got one animation. The 501st gets Rex, the 212th gets Cody, the CG gets Fox, the 104th gets Wolffe, and the 241st gets Tukk. CF99 got Hunter but I really wanted to make one for Tech as well, since modeling and texturing him took the longest 💀
Once all of that’s done, I can finally move on to animating the trailer video. Which I’m terrified of, but oh well lol
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saetoru · 1 year ago
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imagine rich boy gojo finding out your name for him in his phone is just “satoru” or something 💀 and then from the side geto is like “mine’s got an emoji!”
✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。NO HEART — GOJO SATORU. (rich boy! au)
rich boy! gojo, college au, fluff, established relationships, dramatic gojo which is consistent in every version of him no matter the au
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studying with gojo satoru is the worst idea you could ever allow to happen—and yet, every time he asks, you let it happen.
“baby, aren’t you getting my texts?” gojo pouts. it earns him an unimpressed glare from you as you look up from your textbook, a glare that makes him wilt while geto snickers from the corner.
“satoru, if you don’t stop bothering me while we’re supposed to be studying, so help me—”
“but it’s funny, look,” he whines. and before you can stop him, he picks up the untouched phone beside you, tapping the screen to unlock it. except, he doesn’t make it that far.
suddenly the world stills. it stops spinning on its axis. and suddenly, gojo satoru’s face is the dictionary definition of devastation.
“satoru, what’s wrong,” you furrow your brows.
“satoru. satoru? satoru?” he repeats, each time in more disbelief than the last.
“that’s….your name, yes?” you raise a brow. and then realization strikes your features—or so he thinks. he’s soon to find out he’s mistaken. “oh, sorry,” you snort, “toru, is that better? toru, get to studying—”
“my name in your phone is just satoru?” he asks, cutting you off like you’ve genuinely wounded him—the betrayal on his face and the shock in his voice are all too real.
you blink for a moment before you realize the source of his tantrum seems to be the contact name you have for him in your phone. only gojo satoru would find a way to make a big deal out of his own name, you think.
“well, yeah,” you shrug, “it’s your name. plus i had it set when i first got your number from that project. i hated you back then.”
“you called me gojo back then,” he squints accusingly.
“yeah that’s because it was gojo satoru at first,” you nod. from the side, you hear geto snicker again about the full government name to himself—which earns him a pillow thrown at his direction by gojo. “i deleted the gojo part when we started dating,” you add.
“oh so you can delete my surname once we started dating but you couldn’t even add a heart?” he asks, jaw dropped and eyebrows furrowed in that dramatic way he does. it’s a bit cute, the way he’s worked up over something so small—but it’s also entirely theatric, making you roll your eyes.
“would a heart make you feel better, satoru?” you purse your lips.
“no! not if you don’t add it because you want to,” he huffs, “you might as well just say you don’t love me!”
“satoru,” you sigh in exasperation. maybe if you didn’t have physics 1302 problems to work through—a whole six of them due before midnight, in fact—you would humor him in his elaborately dramatized attempt at getting your attention. but you have classes to pass and gpa’s to maintain, so you purse your lips instead. “it’s just a contact name. what’s mine?”
“it’s baby <3. with a heart. see?” sure enough, when his phone is turned to face you, it’s baby <3. with a heart.
“i have an emoji in my contact,” geto adds from the side, ever the instigator, “maybe it’s because i’m cuter—”
“you gave suguru’s an emoji?” he asks in distress, staring at you like you’ve told him you’ve cheated. you think you might hurt his feelings less if you did, with the way his lips are curled in a genuine frown.
“suguru set his own contact,” you defend, shooting the nuisance in the corner a sharp glare. geto only offers you a sly wink in return. “i didn’t realize you cared that much about contact names,” you shrug, “i can change it—”
“no need,” gojo huffs, holding up a hand to silence you as he turns away and sticks his nose in the air in defiance. “i’ll just change yours to your full government name. see how you like it.”
“satoru—”
“and you’re not getting a heart either,” he glares, deleting the <3 slowly just for show, making eye contact with you so you know the severity of your actions.
you roll your eyes, snatching your phone back as you shake your head. “if i make your contact baby <3 with a heart because you’re my baby, will that cheer you up,” you sigh.
he ponders it for a moment, as if debating the offer. and then his arms cross in defiance once more. “no. make it baby boy 💋 with a kiss emoji.”
“gross,” geto twists his face in disgust.
gojo turns to him, face blank and serious as he shoots, “single people should not speak when it’s not their turn,” before turning back to you. “i’ll consider forgiving you if you make it baby boy 💋 with a kiss.”
“okay,” you sigh, “baby boy it is.”
“with a kiss!” he glares.
“with a kiss,” you assure, rolling your eyes.
“can i also get a kiss?” he asks hopefully, eyes wide and bright and earnest enough to warm your heart.
you smile, chuckling at the way he looks so cute, at the way he melts your heart and makes you forget you have physics homework for a moment—but only for a moment because then you mumble, “no. now do your homework.”
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PLS THIS PROMPT KILLED ME
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